Oh man
by Rem Havoc
Summary: Two girls are in the Fma world seeing really crazy stuff: like Mustang kidnapping Riza, Armstrong giving out hotel keys, Selim Bradley asking about sex, and a very high Scar.
1. Chapter 1

1Disclaimer: I Own Nothing!!!

Emo Yamanka and Rem Haruno were walking down the street when...

"MUSTANG'S TRYING TO RAPE ME !!!!!!!!!!"Shouted Havoc.

"Quit making lies Havoc! I'm trying to rape Hawkeye."(Yeah right.)

"Like that's going-LET GO OF ME!!!"And what do ya know Mustang carried her away without

being shot.

At this point Emo stopped daydreaming about her and Mustang and relisies it will never happen.

(That's cause it's my story!)

"JEAN!!!!!!!!!!"Rem shouted as she glomped him.

"Hey Rem !Where the hell were you!!??!!I've been lonely!!!"

"Can I glomp Havoc-kun since Roy went to rape Hawkeye-san?"Emo asked sweetly.(Crap!!! Theworlds gonna end!)

"Let me think about-NO!!!Jeans mine!"

"But-"

"You know I don't mind you two fighting about who glomps me, but people are staring."Havoc

interrupted. Suddenly Rem noticed that her legs were on either side of his waist.

"Daddy, is he going to park his car in her garage?"Selim Bradly asked his Father as they

passed by.

"Their probably wait until night time."The Furheur answered making sure he and his son got

far, far away from the kinky peoples.

"What does he teach his son? I must know!"Emo shouted as she stalked the Furheur.

"She does know he's a homunculus, right?"Havoc asked Rem, who was still on top of him.

"Let her fin-"

"OH THE BEAUTIFUL SIGHT OF YOUNG LOVE!!!HERE IS A KEY FOR A HOTEL

ROOM DOWNTOWN!!!"You know who came barging through with sparkles and then leaveded.

Well...That was random"Havoc stated, "Now what?"

"What do you mean 'now what,' lets go."She said as she jumped off Havoc and started dragging him dowtown.

End of part one.


	2. Another Chapter

1Disclaimer: Again I Own Nothing!

"Hey brother, are you sure this is our room? I can here people in there."A very human Al asked

his brother.

"I'm sure and I don't hear-"Ed was cut off by a thumping noise, then voices.

"_Not too hard. This is my first time."_

"_Don't worry Rem. I won't be too rough."_

"If that's Rem, then that must be Havoc"Ed said(hey that rhymes).

"What are they doing brother?"Al asked his big brufer.

"We're about to find out."Ed said as he alchemictized the door open. "What are you two doing in our-"

Rem and Havoc were on the bed, but they were playing "Mortal Combat."

"Playing a game. What did you think we were doing?"Havoc asked.

"Never mind, but what are you doing in our room?"Ed asked again.

"Brother aren't we 203?"Al asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"This is 202."

"Oh sorry guys."Ed apologized. "I'll just fix the door and we'll leave."

So he did and they went to their room.

"Who knew Ed was a pervert."Havoc said as he won another game.

"Yeah, it's kinda creepy."Rem said trying not to scream 'cause she lost again. "I'm bored. Wanna go find Riza and Mustang?"

"Sure . If she didn't kill him already."

So Havoc and Rem went on a dangerous journey through Central. Encountering Armstrong for the second time that day and a blood thirsty Furey.

"Hey look! There's Emo!"Rem shouted.

"I thought she was stalking the Furheur."

"I was stalking him until he started talking about the Military. Then I ran away"Emo said walking up to them. "What are you two doing? I heard Armstrong gave you guys a hotel key."

"We went there, played Playstation, and Ed thought we were doing it."Havoc blushed at that.

"But now we're looking for Mustang and Hawkeye."Havoc said answering Emo's quiestion.

"Oh I know where they are follow me!"

So the journey continued. This time they ran into Hughes and Armstrong(AGAIN!!!).Finally they stopped because Emo lied.

"Okay so I don't know. Let's ask him!"She shouted as she rushed towards Scar.

"Wait don't go-"

"Let her find out."Rem said cutting Havoc off.

"Do you know where Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye are?"

"Cyeah. They're lyke ova there."Scar answered(WTF).

"Over where?"

"Thata way."Pointing to the right.

"You're high, aren't you."

"Wha?"

"Yeah... Bye."She started walking back over to Rem and Havoc, but Scar was following her.

"Are you my mommy."He asked Havoc.

"Is he high?"Rem asked. Havoc didn't 'cause he was too busy trying not to get glomped by Scar.

End Part 2

Will they ever find Mustang and Riza, and whats Scar using?


	3. Why won't this end!

13rd part...Be afraid, be very afraid.

Line Thingy

So where were we? Oh yeah Scar's gonna take them to Riza and Mustang.

"Scar!Slow down, we can't keep up with cracked out serial killers!" Yelled Havoc as he, Rem , and Emo ran behind him.

"Dude! What's he on?!" Emo shouted.

"Know what?"Scar asked everyone.

"You don't know where they are."Rem answered.

"OMG!!!How'd joo know?"

"I'm a frikken mind reader."

"BYE-BYEZ!!!" Then he ran off and into Armstrong.Emo decided she would talk.

"Let's go before he sees us"

"Yeah!"

So they were having a hard time finding Riza and Mustang.

"ARRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!"Havoc screamed, "WHERE ARE THEY??!?!?!?!?!" Rem sighed at his out burst, as Emo gasped.

"I see Hawkeye-san"

"About time!" Rem shouted, "Wait that's not Nee-san."

"Yeah that is...Wait Nee-san?"Havoc asked.

"Yes Nee-san. And that's not her."

"Why do you say that" Emo asked.

"Would she ever wear a mini-skirt?"And sure enough she was in a mini-skirt.

She saw the trio and ran over.

"Hi guys, sup?" 'Riza' asked.

"Who are you?"Rem asked.

"I'm Riza."

"No your not."

"Okay Okay. It's me Envy." He/she said as it transformed back to itself.

"Why are you going around as Hawkeye and in a mini-skirt no less?" Havoc asked.

"Well I'm sorry if I have a sick obsession with her."

Next time on Drag- Sorry I've been watching DBZ too much. Anyway till next time.


	4. Make it stop!

Blah

I do not own anything,

_Begin part 4_

Alright know that everyone knows about Envy's sick obsession, it's time to continue the journey.

"No way! My banana's bigger!"

"No!! Mine is!!!"

"Hey Rem,"Havoc started, "Don't you think it's strange that Emo and Envy are arguing about their banana's?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"He asked.

"Well I'm used to this stuff."She answered, "Now if you turn around you'll notice that they have their banana's out." Havoc turned around and sighed in relief.

"Oh good. They were talking about the fruit."

"Did you honestly think they were talking about dick's?"

"That's just how it sounded."

"You know neither of the have those."

"Hey!!!"Envy shouted, "I have one!!!"

"_Sure you do."_Thought everyone else.

"Hey guy's , I'm bored."Emo complained.

"Too bad."Everyone shouted.

"I'm must be Emo,"Emo of course started.

"Not today." Rem started, "We're on a mission 'member."

"Stop my breathing and slit my through. I must be EEEMMMMMOOOOO!!!!"

"You done?"Havoc asked.

"Yeah."She said as she noticed Scar running towards Havoc at a neck breaking speed.

"Havoc-kun look out- Nevermind."

And yet again we all noticed Scar was high. But he was grinding Havoc.

"Get off of me!!"He yelled.

"I no wanna."Envy got an idea to get rid of the high serial killer.

"Hey Scar! Look at the shiny car. You like shiny?" Scar nodded, "Alright, go get it."

And he's off...Chasing Edward's car.(Ed has a car?)

"Are we ever going to find them!?!?"Havoc yelled.

Maybe if we.." Envy was cut off by a piece paper flying in his face. "What the? Hey this tell where to find them."

"WHERE!?!?!?!" Everyone screamed.

"Lab 5."

_End part 4_

Are Roy and Riza really there? Find out next time.


	5. IT'S OVER!

_I own nothing!!!!_

_So this is the last part_

_Part 5 Begin_

The gang made their way to the 5th lab where it was fully restored.

"You sure that they're here"Havoc asked having enough of this wild goos chase.

"That's what the paper said."Envy answered him. It went to open the doors, but they opened on their own.

"Hey guys."Said Fuery walking out in the open. "Lookin' for Mustang and Hawkeye? If you are they're in the back."

"How do you know this Kain?"Rem asked. He just smiled.

"I brought them here."

"Sooo, will ya let us in?"Havoc asked.

"Sure, if I get to drink someones blood."Everyone stared at him blankly, "What didn't you guys know I was a vampire?"They just shook their heads.

"I still need that blood if you wanna get in."

"Well I don't know ," Emo started as she moved behind and shoved towards Fuery, "Have him!BYE!!!"And they ran in leaving Envy to a blood thristy Fuery.

_With Roy and Riza_

They were both tied together and facing eachother at that.

"Sir you're touching my..."

"Sorry"He said, but was really thinking,_ 'Man they're soft.'_

"HEY GUYS!!!!"They heard Emo shout as she, Rem, and Havoc ran in.

"Can you guys untie us?"Riza asked.

"Not before I get a few pictures."Rem said as she got out her camera.

"You've been spending too much time with Maes."Roy said as he was blinded by the flashing light.

"Let's go."

_End_

_Yes I know there are at lot of spelling errors in this story. So please don't complain._


End file.
